January 2, 2017

It is funny that there is a hierarchy of envy. Each person is envious of some other person who has a higher standard. I do not envy anyone. I don’t want to live somebody else’s life. I don’t even want to live my own life, but I don’t want to die. I am curious as to what will happen to the characters in my story if I die? I observe people. There are very few people whom I talk to. This includes my girlfriend. I’ve always been silent. Never talked much. It is not like people care if I talk or not, nobody cares and I love it. I love the idea of being invisible to people and just observe them silently in the background. I notice the things that nobody notices. No one notices that I notice them. I have a problem in sleeping. I do not sleep well. My doctor says that I have sleep paralysis, but I know it’s more than that because today I visited someone in my sleep. Someone named Dave.

February 25, 2017

It has been more than a month since Dave is my friend. He is the dead friend whom I meet once in a while in the night. The first time I met him was when I was having my daily dose of sleep paralysis and it suddenly stopped. It means that I could physically move and breathe again. I got up, still seated on my bed, rubbing my eyes and stretching my hands. My hands felt like they had no bones. They were light as air. I turned back to face my bed and what I saw could give me a heart attack if I had a heart. My heart, was down there, with my body lying on the bed. I was staring at myself sleeping or possibly dead. That’s when he came and I was certain that I was dead until,  he told me that I wasn’t and it is just my body, a shell that is lying there and I could enter my body again if I want to. He also told me that if  I’m outside my body for a long time, other souls in this world will know and they’ll try to enter my body and live my life. I told him once that I liked this place. He was shocked and he said he wanted to be free from this place. If a person dies while his  soul is in the body then he/she is free. Dave is of my age and he had a car accident in which he died. He was sleeping in the back, visiting this world, when his Dad drove the car right into a fence and his body, the only vacant shell, got destroyed and he is trapped here ever since. I was not in control of when I visit this world. So, I practiced every night and failed. I wanted it to be in my control, to visit this world whenever I like. Tonight I tried and it happened. I opened my eyes to see my body lying still. I searched for Dave but he was nowhere to be found. I didn’t dare to go farther away from my body. Since, Dave wasn’t here I did what I best do. Silently observe people.

August 9,2017

It is like you can read minds. What people do when they think that no one is watching tells a lot about what kind of person they really are. I was watching. I somehow knew that it was coming. She was acting weird and faking all the excitement and happiness whenever she was with me. I was expecting a break up any day now. We were happy, five years of it. Things went downhill, but we managed every time. There were times when we used to fight daily. To take this relationship a bit further and to tell her that I still love her, I signed the property papers. I think it’s fair if she is not ready for a marriage yet. I think it’s fair if she doesn’t want to marry but still wants to live with me in my flat. I wanted to save what we had so I had to share my whole property with her. I somehow felt that it’ll prove that I still trust her. It doesn’t take my observing skills to understand that your partner is thinking about a break up. I didn’t talk about this to anyone, not even my secret friend. There were times when I wanted to tell her that I visit dead people in the night but then I thought this will make sure that she breaks up with me.

November 11, 2017

Dave and I were sitting besides my body. We didn’t talk much tonight. I noticed him looking at my body longingly. The only vacant shell in the room. Our voices weren’t the same in this world. It’s more like a whisper but It’s clearer than the sky on a sunny day. He suddenly said “I know about your girlfriend”. I wasn’t shocked but his voice made me a bit uneasy. He seemed sad and upset. “I am sorry that I never mentioned her. Things were pretty intense between us and there was a possibility of…”, “of a break up. I know” he finished the sentence for me. “I had a girlfriend too but after my death she moved on.” he said without taking his eyes away from my body. “I’m sorry” I said. He looked at me and smiled. I know when people fake their smile. I, especially, know when people fake happiness. “Do you trust me?” he asked out of the blue. The question was so sudden that it took me a while to answer “huh.. yes. Why do u ask?!”. He laughed and said “Ignore it. I don’t  know what I’m thinking. I’m not thinking straight”. I was so confused and curious that I said “Tell me what it is. Maybe I can help”. He was silent for a long time and then with a stern face he said “I want to live a normal human life at least for a day. I promise after one day I will come back”. There were no tears or even if there were it was not be seen but he was crying for sure. I knew instantly what he was talking about. He wanted my body and live my life for a day. “I… I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. I couldn’t risk this because it’s been a year and I’ve been fighting continuously with my girlfriend. I signed the property papers and now she is happy. We are happy now. I trust you but I’m sorry.”. I felt bad for him. I trusted him but I cannot risk my life. It was time for me to go. I was about to enter my body when I turned to him and said “December 11. I trust you. Don’t betray me”.

December 11, 2017

“I’ll be waiting. Don’t screw up. She will be coming over with her friend at 2 so be home. Dress well and don’t talk too much because I’m not enthusiastic. Sleep at 11 and I want my body back by 12. You can do whatever you want in the evening just be sure…” “that it doesn’t affect you in any way. I know. I cannot thank you enough. U sure you want to do this?” he said completing my sentence. “Go now before I change my mind” I said. “What will you do here?” he asked without containing his extreme happiness. “I’ll do what I do best. Watch people” I replied. He entered my body and I felt sick and scared. I calmed myself down and prepared myself for the day. The morning went well. I watched myself bathe, dress up and eat breakfast. Dave was so happy to eat food that he was literally choking with all the food in his ( my ) mouth. Afternoon arrived. She came and hugged me and I felt nothing. Dave felt her. Her friend Alex entered behind her and they sat and talked. Dave did well, he didn’t talk much. He talked the right amount. He was better at being me than me being me. They had lunch and Dave, with my heavy feet, walked in the kitchen to keep the dishes in the sink. She and Alex entered behind him silently. Dave didn’t know that they are behind him. Although my ears are sharp, he didn’t hear them following because I am sharp, not Dave. She grabbed a knife and called my name. Dave turned, and she stabbed him in the stomach. Dave cried in pain. It was not my voice, I never shout like that and somehow she knew but she didn’t stop and stabbed me (Dave) repeatedly. No one notices that I notice them.You have to notice, observe, understand people to know that they are planning to kill you. You must know what to talk if you want a person to envy you. As soon as I had signed  property papers, they both decided to kill me. I stalked and I came to know that they are planning to do it on December 11. Dave wanted to be free and I liked this place more than I liked my life.Dave’s soul is free now. I smiled as I watched myself(Dave) die. I cannot live in my body now. I’m stuck here, but it doesn’t matter because I’ll do what I best do. Silently observe people.